I'm fairly certain my goal of wrestling a match will end without me ever having done so - and I'm pretty good with that. But I guarantee it's not for the reasons you think.

It won't surprise any of you who know me, even a little, to find out I've overthought this. A lot. That's par for the course with everything I do - but stick with me here because I think this makes some sense.

It's not that I'm a vastly overweight 43-year-old man with absolutely zero training in anything that would remotely prepare me to be a wrestler. Or that I've lost 12.3kgs but still remain, according to ideal height/weight formulas, around 60kgs from my ideal weight.

It's definitely not that I did three front rolls for the first time in decades on Saturday and landed on my head every time or that falling backwards from a crouched position onto a not-particularly-soft mat is way harder than it looks.

And it's not because parts of my body I forgot I had hurt two days after a relatively easy judo class. Or because I lack self-belief. It's not even because I have a dodgy ankle that hurts like shit after around 6000 steps or because I'll probably quit eating healthy because I suddenly remember that pizza tastes delicious so why shouldn't I eat a whole one?

They may all end up playing a part, of course, but it's not THE reason.

The real reason is that Impact Pro Wrestling (IPW), based here in Auckland, is just too damned professional and has way too many options to bother sticking an old fella like me in the ring. Let me explain a bit more.

I'm sure I could find a less than scrupulous company somewhere who would be willing to take some form of payment to put me in a crappy two-minute match in front of three people and a dog - but that's never what my wrestling goal was about. That kind of Machiavellian shenanigans, simply to tick a box to say I had done it, would only be conning myself. And I'm too wise to fall for my own shit. Most of the time.

No, if I'm going to wrestle it's going to be with a company I trust - and I trust IPW. And, because they're just so damned good, every time I watch them put on a show I feel that dream slide a wee bit more. Every time the Mt Eden Memorial Hall echos with that frightening sound of someone's back smashing into the mat, every time I see someone half my age say things on the microphone or do things in the ring that I could only dream of, every time a Ric Flair-esque chest chop garners a massive 'woooooooooo' from the crowd I take a small step back.

And that was before I had the absolute pleasure of watching some of their newer wrestlers go up against some of the old hands at the first IPW student show on Friday night. Most of these wrestlers have been training for less than a year and knocked it out of the park. The odd tentative move aside there was an undeniable quality to the work, the only shame being the lack of crowd to appreciate it.

So before Saturday night's excellent Holy Grail event I put myself in the position of those responsible for IPW and thought about it logically. If I was booking matches then I sure as hell wouldn't put me in the squared circle when I had this much talent available, so much younger and capable than I ever could be. And that's a good thing, right?

If I never get anywhere near an IPW ring, despite my willingness to fight for it, then they should be applauded for it because it means they had better options. That's great for them and the future of New Zealand wrestling. Who cares if that weird bearded guy who sits in the front row and sometimes cheers the heels (I'm team Ashlee Spencer all the way - sorry Candy Lee!) never moves from that seat and into the ring, right? (As a quick aside, the new level of storytelling with Ashlee's brutal attacking of Candy outside the ring before the bell was awesome. I totally popped for that moment - and I can't wait to see where they go from here!)

Ultimately it comes down to this - IPW are responsible for the health and safety of each and every wrestler who appears on their shows and I accept there's a fair chance someone of my age and history will never be a risk worth taking. Frankly, that's how it should be.

To me there is no difference between IPW (or Southern Pro Wrestling (SPW) for that matter - seriously, check them out if your down in the south island) and the WWE. These are men and women who are putting their bodies on the line to entertain people like me. That deserves the utmost respect and it's why I won't disrespect any of them by showing up to the IPW tryouts in January if I think I'm going to waste one second of their times.

Now don't think this is me quitting on my goal. It's absolutely not. And there's still that part of me who truly believes I have some wrestling matches somewhere deep inside. But I think it's wise to realise that just because all your efforts focus on 'a thing' - whatever that may be - it doesn't necessarily means you will succeed. Or that it's a failure if you don't do it.

Age has given me many things, most of them unwanted. Who needs extra nose hairs, bags under the eyes or the ability to forget most of what you've ever learned? But the most useful thing may be the willingness to understand compromise isn't a bad thing if everyone gets a bit of what they want.

So I'm still shooting for the stars, that tiny pinprick of light that could be an IPW match or two. If I end up losing a lot of weight, getting much fitter and talking myself into a non-wrestling role with IPW because I'm just too annoying to ignore then I will still consider that a massive win. Because wrestling is much more important than one guy's mad idea of trying to become a wrestler at 43.

The only way to find out what happens next is to keep reading - because I sure as shit have no idea what's going to transpire. But if you are to take anything from this blog then please let it be this - if you have any interest in wrestling, whether that's watching, storytelling, managing or being in the ring, then find a quality local provider and support them as much as you can. Pay for the front row tickets, help put up the ring, take it down, sell the concessions.

They're not doing it for the money but for the love of it - and I know they'll appreciate the help.